The new Blink 182 album.

Just came in the mail for me today.

So far, the “Mark dominant” songs are better.

I’ll fill you guys in more about it later.

So, it’s almost my second year anniversary of “sobriety” from self harm.

And it feels pretty great.

This has been the longest I think I’ve gone without self-mutilating since I began in 2005.

It’s been a six year struggle and I think I’ve finally gotten the best of it.

I’m really proud of myself.

Take a knee.

So….I GOT INTO COLLEGE!

I mean, yeah, it’s only SCAD, which, lets face it, isn’t that big of an accomplishment, but still. I got in.

At least now I have a fallback school!

Goodnight Moon.

I should be asleep.

I need to go to sleep.

I’ve been depriving myself of sleep.

I am now going to sleep.

The art of losing.

My adrenaline is coursing vigorously through my veins.

My heart is pounding. Practically bursting through my skin.

I feel so reckless. Hopelessly impulsive.

I want to create the most magnificent piece of work that I ever have.

and then

I want to destroy it

throw it

burn it

smash it

run it over

drown it

break it

rip it up

blow it apart

stab it

make it bleed.

I want to feel the loss of losing something that means so much to me,

so that maybe,

just maybe,

It won’t hurt so bad when I’ve finally managed to lose us.

 

 

And I could use a bottle of alcohol.

fucking cunt.

I’m mad at you.

I cannot even deal with your shit anymore.

Like, really. This is fucking too much. I’m surprised you even allow me to have friends at all. Maybe you’re just in the process of trying to make me push all of my friends away completely.

We’re going to have to set some boundaries or you’re going to have to stop being a crazy fucking bitch or something, because I am not the kind of person that is going to be controlled. I can do this relationship, but I need my freedom because once you take that away completely, I swear to god I will fucking hate you.

 

I am so incredibly fucked.

For when I start my new job tomorrow.
Getting drunk and doing a photoshoot tonight at 2AM was a horrible, horrible idea.